Two Lives in One Year

Summer Life (2.5 months)

I would wake up whenever I wanted and I would go to sleep whenever I wanted. There was nothing that could stop me. I would wake up one day in meditation mode, becoming fully aware of my thoughts. Another day I would wake up listening to summer music. I ate whenever I was hungry. My breakfast, lunch, and dinners were always delicious. I made what I wanted to eat. I lived freely and I lived happily. I was never filled with angst or depression. I was able to watch all the anime and movies I wanted. I did have one rule though. My rule had two parts. I would read books constantly to compensate my lack of real education in school; this would teach me how the world really ran. The other part was to meditate; this would to teach me how to not to fall into the depths of excessive thought programmed by society.

At this point in my life, I was happy. Although I was still young and inexperienced with the vastness of our world, I created a path for myself on what I wanted to do. What I wanted to do was to live my life with no conditions and no restrictions. And I manifested this idea into reality during summer. I used my two favorite quotes as inspiration: “The best way to live a full life is to be a child” and “If you’ve got time to fantasize about a beautiful ending, why not live beautifully until the end?”

Now, I’d like to talk about the other side of the coin.

School Life (8 months)

I’ve written about the academic system of school before, but right now I’d like to talk about the social aspect of it.

In school, I never had any friends. Now, my definition of a ‘friend’ is quite different from the standard definition, so let me share:

A friend is someone you have an unconditional bond, or connection, with. This can be manifested through always being there for one another and always supporting one another. A friend like this is just like a close family member.

I’ve had many “friends” where I see and talk to them and make jokes with them. But I’m not sure I can rely on any one of them when I am in desperate need. So to me, they are more of an acquaintance. I heard that you only need 3 friends in this world to survive and I now understand what that truly means. If you have 3 close friends that you can count on regardless of any situation, you have succeeded in life.

I was disappointed to find out that I never found any in high school. But I can’t blame it on anyone; for all I know, my behaviors were probably the same as everyone else.

High school is this painful growing period for young students where we don’t know what we want in life. At the same time, we’re all put together in one building. That’s where social cliques come into place. Cliques are made so we wouldn’t face loneliness. Deep inside, everyone is lonely, seeking for attention. With cliques, people could ignore and suppress loneliness. But this is, of course, absolutely wrong. It makes us concerned with how we fit into these cliques and how we can join the most “popular” one. We use our behaviors and thoughts to focus on externalities that are not important at all. We refuse the idea of loneliness and even become scared by it. We fail to realize that we came into this world alone and that we will leave this world alone as well. There is no need to continue the illusion of “fitting in” for the attention of other people. A real master does not crave attention; a real master seeks loneliness to analyze himself in a cool-hearted manner. When you are truly alone, you can see what type of person you really are.

I never fit into any of these cliques. I always tried to find myself and discover how I really behaved when I am with other people. I did not become attached to any one of my social relationships with my fellow classmates and I found that there is no need to be. And I can say that, in the end, I did find one true friend. I discovered my true friend by looking beyond school and its unnecessary cliques.

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